In what some might be a related line of thinking, a woman who has just given birth to octuplets is embroiled in controversy as people debate whether she'll be able to adequately care for her now 14 children as a single mother. The mother, Nadya Suleman, insists that she'll have no problem providing for her children once she goes back to college and pursues a career in counseling.
I don't want to rain on her parade and I really hope and pray for the best for her and her children, but there's much in the article that makes me concerned that she doesn't fully grasp the monumental task at hand. Maybe she has a blind faith that things will take care of themselves, for better or for worse. But has she considered:
- Who will care for her fourteen children while she goes to class and studies for her counseling degree?
- How will she find sufficient time away from studying to provide ample individual attention of each of her 14 kids, who will have different emotional needs and personalities?
- How will she financially provide for the food, housing and shelter for her and her fourteen children while she's a student?
- What job will she seek which simultaneously provides food and clothing for 14 children while providing ample work-life balance so she can devote time to love and nurture them?
This is not all to say that it can't be done. But consider her own words: "All I wanted ... was to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life." While I can't speak specifically about being a mom, being a parent is a multi-faceted calling. You're not just playing with the kids. As a father I play the role of disciplinarian, comforter, counselor, educator, spiritual advisor, financial provider, butler, maid, repairman, nurse, chef, chauffeur and waiter, just to name a few of the roles. Nadya, I really hope you understand that this is what your role as a mother encompasses, and don't hold your breath banking on major economies of scale.
There are times when Sarah and I find ourselves absolutely physically exhausted while raising our two children. I remember when we just had Daniel during a particularly trying time as he was struggling sleeping through the night, we wondered out loud how on earth a single-mother could manage to find sufficient rest to help put to sleep, feed, change, comfort, nurture, and play with a baby while maintaining a full-time job. I can't imagine what it's like with eight... and I really can't imagine what it's like with having six other older children.
She also goes on to say: "That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, a huge family, and I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, [a] feeling of self and identity ... I felt powerless."
Children are a blessing, indeed, and I can't put into words how much I love my two children. But her longing for a large family sounds frightingly close to a vain attempt to find purpose from an previously unhappy life - to find a balm for an empty soul. As wonderful as children are, they are no more likely than to bring ulimate satisfaction than marriage, money, sex or fame. Lest I speak with my plank in my own eye, I recognize that I have my own idols, but that idolatry radar is blinking just a little bit. Everytime somebody makes a major life decision which is ultimately an attempt to fulfill "something that was missing" - I tend to raise a red flag.
Nothing is impossible with God. I hope for the sake of her children that she finds the way to make it work.
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1 comment:
She is a tweaked one, and well deserving of criticism for having so many children outside of marriage.
Mike, what do you think, though, of that number of children generally? How does a couple decide on an appropriate number of children? My grandmother had 11 kids, all of whom turned out reasonably well. Many of my aunts and uncles have gone on deliberately to have large families of their own.
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