I'm enrolled in three leagues, two of which I'm actively playing, the other which I've stocked the team exclusively with people with the last name Williams, Smith and Johnson (it's pretty funny that you can do this, and that team is actually pretty good). The two other leagues I'm playing in are intrachurch leagues which I'm also serving as "commish". The great thing about this is as I stay up scanning the free agent lists for prospects, I can unconvincingly tell my wife that I'm doing my part to engender Christian community and men's fellowship.
So without further, adieu, here's a tongue-in-cheek preview of our two Fantasy Football leagues.
The Emmanuel Classic
Fluidtables.com (Chris Yeoh) - Chris is a new entrant to this league and earned jeers from his fellow owners for shamelessly plugging a commercial interest with his team name. Boo! Boo! What sort of monster would do such a thing? But before I rant some more, I'd like to remind our readers that you can save up to 30% on Amazon.com on electronics with free shipping with orders of $25. Please feel free to click on the banner ads adjacent to this post.
Mosquitos (Justin Dombrowski) - Justin, another new entrant, brings a great deal of energy into the Emmanuel Classic. I'm not entirely clear whether Mosquitos is a self-effacing shot on his height (Justin isn't exactly Manute Bol) or a gritty political commentary of the current tax code. As far as Justin's team ownership skills, we'll see if all that Westminster and Jewish Theological Seminary training paid off. Don't laugh, rumor is that Peter Enns is a deadly force in the intra-seminary leagues.
MoonWater (Rob Lien) - Rob's an interesting story - he was with Emmanuel way back at the beginning, left with his then fiance to Chicago and then pretty much lost touch with the church. Sure, when I was at Emmanuel, we made sure that we harassed him to send money as an alumni, but otherwise lost touch. We've recruited Rob to round out our league... and remind him that Pastor Drew would much appreciate his financial support later this year.
Gigantor (Alan Cummings) - Big Al is trying to wash off the humility of missing the playoffs last year, being edged out by "I know nothing about American football" Rich Kwon and "I'm only going to start playing in Week 4" Albert Song. Alan inexplicably got stuck with Matt Schaub again, but gets the benefit of Fantasy Football stud Chris Johnson. Props to Alan also for picking up good Christian brother Tim Tebow, who will pretty much be as valuable from a Fantasy Football perspective as my 3-year old daughter.
Dennis (Dennis Lee) - Dennis is our resident rookie, who I never had the pleasure of know at Emmanuel (we had left EPC before he had arrived). I've heard from my buddy Paul that he's a good chap and has been a great asset to the softball team. I'm not sure if naming his team "Dennis" is a rookie mistake, or an egomaniacal tip of the cap to Daniel Snyder or Jerry Jones.
Hamsters (Chin Ho Cheng) - If there's a personification of obsessive compulsion when it comes to Fantasy Football, it's our old friend Chin, who has no intention of being denied after getting upset in the first round of the playoffs last year. It's not that he makes tons of moves - it's that you just get the sense that he's five steps ahead of anyone else. If there's a breakout player any given Sunday, chances are Chin just picked him up. Remember what they say, "Fat man, happy marriage" is only slightly better known then it's also true axiom: "Lousy fantasy football team, happy marriage" - unless you're a masterful multi-tasker like me.
ANSKY (Phil Lee) - Phil, like me, is another alum who used the "we need to go to a local church for family outreach reasons" excuse to conveniently hide the fact that we were tired of hearing Pastor Charlie and Scott preach essentially the same sermon every six months. I'm kidding of course - we all know the reason why we stopped going to Emmanuel was because of our frugality in paying tolls. Anyway, Phil is a seasoned and capable Fantasy Football owner, and we can only hope he finds killer YouTube clips that capture the essence of a hard fought season.
Wyld Stallyns (Will Fehringer) - Will is pretty much Mr. Reliable. You can pretty much count on a good Latin-related slogan, a solid roster and a perfectly-timed quip in the heat of battle.
Team Singletary (Luke Lin) - You've got to hand it to Luke. Last year, in a fit of fandom chose a team exclusively of 49ers. He proceeded to win one game, recognizing that while it was a nice statement of his team allegiance, it doesn't quite work out so well if you actually want to win. This year, he's done pretty much the same thing. So either Luke is very committed... or very stupid. In a related note, Luke and his lovely wife just moved to Summit, NJ, so it's entirely conceivably he'll be playing in the below league next year. We'll see.
Pablo (Paul Huang) - My main man Paul is going to make some noise this year, which is one year later than he should've been. Let's be clear, I sincerely believe that Paul would have won the league last year if not for some dubious trades. But with the chief perpetrator of those heists out of the way, it's now incumbent on the rest of the league to try to fleece Paul. Paul, when you're ready to take an emerging and ready to explode Lee Evans in exchange of a quarterback-deprived Larry Fitzgerald, you let me know.
Beginner's Luck? (Rich Kwon) - Rich is a great story, which I actually turned into a movie trailer in an earlier post. Here's a guy who knew absolutely nothing about football who after losing to Team Singletary, barely made it out of the finals and then took out Chin Ho's Hamsters in the first round, before eventually losing in the Championship Game. Not bad. What's even more admirable is that this is guy who used to work in Finance who quit on his own volition to become a teacher because that's what he felt called to do. There's no joke or punchline here. Rich Kwon, I salute you.
Short Hills Sharks (Yours Truly, EPC Alum 2009) - easily the prohibitive favorite to win it all.
The Redeemer Montclair Classic
Team Swanson (Reverend Erik Swanson) - I have a great deal of respect for Pastor Swanson. As the associate pastor in charge of family ministries, he devotes himself to the critical cause of cultivating a strong faith within the children of our church. He works tirelessly meeting with parents and children, spending his time moving the Kingdom forward. This is a nice way of pointing out that he's done absolutely nothing with his Fantasy Football Team.
No Punt Intended (Andy Culp) - It's actually very impressive that Andy recently welcomed a baby boy but didn't hesitate to sign up to play Fantasy Football. Of course, being up at 2am in the morning lends itself well to opportunistic waiver wire free-agent pickups.
Sal's Saints (Sal Perednia) - Sal did an admirable job of doing some real time analysis during his draft and picking up some defensive gems. Sal, who's married to an Englishwoman, had to explain to his wife that Christian Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and Kaka weren't available in this Football league. I understand that this led to a broader discussion of why Europeans don't just call American Football "soccer" so we're consistent in defining soccer as: "The professional sport that we really don't care about."
STRIKEforce (Dennis Martenz) - Dennis wins the award for most phone calls to sheepishly ask me questions around how to draft and position his roster. I admire that dedication, which is a great contrast from some of the other managers who (cough) still have injured, retired and dead players in their starting lineups. I'm predicting that Dennis will surprise some people this year. If he plays Fantasy Football as well as he plays the mandolin, then look out.
Naked Mole Rats (David Noll) - David is the "non-evil twin" member of the Noll Patrol. He's a good kid, and we all anticipate that he'll learn a great deal playing with the big boys in a Fantasy Football league. Of course, you could argue that without a spouse or kids, he has a built in advantage in this league. Or handicap, I'm not sure.
Chatham Coasters (Ming Chang) - I've got to hand to Ming. He knows his sports, but was sort of dragged kicking and screaming into the league.
Pretentious Preacher (Peter Noll) - Peter's is another member of the "Noll Patrol" and another one of our junior members who hopes to learn the trade of Fantasy Football from the big dogs. I actually think that the opportunities for discipleship are great in intrachurch Fantasy Football. The older men are doing a terrific job of showing examples of humility and good stewardship of time. Maybe not so much.
Fantasy Baseball? (Abe Houng, co-managed by Justin Maurer) - I have to hand it to Abe. For a guy who supposedly doesn't know anything about football, he's making a lot of shrewd moves. I liked his moves in part because they allowed me to blow him out on Week 1. Now Justin is supposed to be the co-manager of Abe's squad, which means in theory he's supposed to be helping him win games. Apparently Justin's definition of "helping" is to sit idly and observe in amusement. I think a co-manager is going to get fired soon.
Haste The Day (Len Noll) - Len's got a nice squad, with Giselle Bundchen's husband leading the way. I'm thinking that "Haste the Day" is some allusion to eschatological interpretation that the first loss of the season for his fantasy football team is another sign of the breaking of one of the seals spoken of in Revelation - which I'm pretty sure is outside of mainstream orthodoxy. I'd like to point out that Len is a Ruling Elder at Redeemer Montclair. I think Redeemer Montclair is a church in good standing in the PCA, but maybe I'd better check again.
Team Vlaanderen (Reverend Randy Lovelace) - Pastor Randy Lovelace is a killer, an absolute killer if you get him on an cycle. He's also passionate about his college football, being a big SEC fan. His squad features Eli Manning (Ole Miss alum) and Jason Witten (Tennessee)... and that's about it from the SEC. He'll somehow tolerate having players from lame conferences, such as the ACC (Reggie Wayne and Anquan Boldin), and Big 12 (Michael Crabtree and Jamaal Charles). I'm pretty sure he won't be applying his sermons around extending mercy within the church when it comes to Fantasy Football.
Los Cranford Finest (Carlos Almonte) - Now Carlos has followed suit and showed some town pride by giving some props to the fine town of Cranford. What's that, you ask? Well, Cranford has the honor of being the 34th best place to live in New Jersey, according to New Jersey Monthly. I'm going to ignore the snide remarks from some of you non-Garden State readers that being the 34th best in New Jersey pretty much places it 30,215th in the country.
Short Hills Sharks (Yours Truly, The Commish) - easily the prohibitive favorite to win it all.
See you all at midseason for the update.
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