The Problem With Bullies

One of my friends had said that when he became a father, the one thing that he would absolutely forbid his child to do and would punish severely, was to bully other people. You see, this friend was bullied as a child, and traumatized to the point that he recalled crying uncontrollably absolutely begging not to go to school despite his mothers gentle attempts to coax him.

There's been a lot of new the last couple of years about bullying, including a recent article on CNN.com which recounts a sad story of eleven-year-old Jaheem Herrera, who, despite being in a school district with a strong anti-bullying program, commit suicide after being bullied. It reminded me about how brutal the schoolyard can be. In the office, someone bullies you (let alone call you a racial or sexual-orientation related slur), you call HR, and that person gets an official reprimand placed in his/her file if not fired altogether. In the schoolyard when something like that happens, the kid will either have the rest of the kids laughing in stitches and  hailed as a cool hero or at "worst" the kid will get a stern talking to by a teacher or principal, be educated that certain words are inappropriate and then give a completely insincere apology in front of the class after which the bullied child is threatened with a thrashing if he/she ever "tattles" on a future bullying session.

I caught a Simpsons episode where Lisa masquerades as a boy in order to get a more challenging math education after the school is split up by gender. In the episode, Bart, who is aware of the farce, tells Lisa that if she truly wants to fit in and gain respect within the boy community, he needs to bully someone weaker than him. Lisa reluctantly seeks out poor Ralph Wiggum and punches him. As Ralph runs away crying, one of the nearby bullies observes grimly, "You just beat up the most harmless kid in the school..." And then after a dramatic pause, the kids all shout and cheer their approval. It was absolutely hilarious, but it sort of hit the nail on the head of the problem. Bad behaviors are rewarded on the schoolyard, and your "rep" in the schoolyard is all that matters when you're a kid.

So as a parent, you do what you can to try to what you can to instill values in your children to defend those who cannot defend themselves, even if it's unpopular to do so. You try to teach them how to defuse a fight as a peacemaker, how to walk away from a fight and how to defend themselves. And you try to model in your own life that you will not be bullied to renounce godly convictions, to deny the things or act contrary to that which you know is right, even when the consequences mean ridicule or marginalization.

So while adults will less likely get physically beat up at the office, there are subtle forms of bullying that still exist. It just comes in the form of the rumblings of personal moral opinions at the water cooler, a throwaway comment about religious people in the cafeteria, caricatures in the media, and organized groups that pretty much want you to be silent and your convictions to be wiped off the face of society.