Raising Kids to Be Good Spouses

A recent article on CNN.com caught my eye, addressing the impact that mothers having on their sons growing up to become good husbands. Naturally, I think that there's a profound impact that both parents have upon both genders of children; I'd even argue that the "same gender" parent has a more direct impact, because of the likelihood that the child will mimic behavior that the parent sees, or more specifically, a daughter can't help but imitate mom's actions and behaviors towards dad, and a son can't help but imitate dad's actions and behaviors towards mom.

It sort of speaks to the famous public service announcement around drugs where a father who looks like a cross between former Penn and current Temple basketball coach Fran Dunphy and actor Gabe Kaplan confronts a son upon finding the kid's drug paraphernalia:

Dad: Tell me! Who taught you to do this stuff?

Kid: You, all right? I learned it from watching you.

Serious-sounding off-screen narrator: Parents who use drugs have children who use drugs.

The truth of the matter is that if I need to consciously think about the example I'm setting for my son, I'm already in trouble. Ideally, I should model good husband character and behavior first and foremost because it's the right and honorable thing to do. The fact that it provides a good example is a inevitable side benefit. I hope that my relationship with my wife is overwhelmingly loving, selfless, giving, compassionate, supportive, sympathetic, humble, patient and my wife sees that in spade. That my son notices and may imitate in the future would be great.

Of course, the negative is a double-whammy. My failures as a husband will get noticed, and I can only hope that for those failures my son will acknowledge his father's failures, forgive him for them, and not emulate those traits in his own marriage.