Athlete Caught Using Steroids, Dog Bites Man...

In another earth-shattering development, another athlete was suspended for violating a league's performing-enhancing substance policy. The most recent case involves New York Jets linebacker Calvin Pace, who in a burst of originality cited that he had innocently taken a dietary supplement and was shocked to find out that he had he inadvertently taken an illegal substance. In a show of remarkable character, Pace will selflessly submit himself to the justice of the league despite absolutely no intent to do wrong on his part.

I'm being sarcastic, for those of you who can't tell.

Pace said the suspension stemmed from his use of an over-the-counter dietary supplement that contained a substance he did not know violated the policy but acknowledged that "I am responsible for what I put into my body and I should have paid closer attention to the League's guidelines. I regret that this has happened and apologize to my teammates, the entire Jets organization as well as the fans."

I just wish some of these athletes would release more honest statements such as "Yeah, I was trying to cheat so I could gain an unfair advantage over others. I'm bummed that I got caught, and I'll have to be more careful to use more masking agent in the future. I'm disappointed that I'll be suspended, largely because those games come out of my paycheck."

Now that would be novel.