Slaying the Tiger Mom

In what might be a case of beating a dead horse... or tiger, another article around the topic of growing up Asian has gone viral. The latest article, "Paper Tigers" from New York Magazine, is essentially a collection of personal stories from a number of Asian men around how they view their Asian identity and how they feel that, in many cases, the typical Asian upbringing has shaped who they are. While the stories are all a little different, almost all capture the musing articulated by Korean-American writer Wesley Yang: "If we are a collective juggernaut that inspires such awe and fear, why does it seem that so many Asians are so readily perceived to be, as I myself have felt most of my life, the products of a timid culture, easily pushed around by more assertive people, and thus basically invisible?"

This isn't a new question - Asian-Americans have been speaking about the lingering stench of stereotypes which are both imposed and self-inflicted. Asian-Americans should rightfully take responsibility of conforming to the model of quiet and submissive lackey, giving more fuel to the "Bamboo Ceiling" phenomena. Asian-Americans should rightfully take responsibility for not rocking the boat when a discrimination, violence or injustice against Asians is either dismissed or minimized, perpetuating the belief that Asians are politically irrelevant. Asian-Americans should rightfully take responsibility

A general premise in the article is that the Asian way of parenting is partly to blame for the lack of assertiveness (allegedly leading to lack of executive leadership and social marginalization) of Asians. It does acknowledge that despite failing to reach the very pinnacle of their professions, a large volume of Asians are doing fine, thank you very much. It may be possible that the previous Asian generation, while not conspiring consciously to do so, essentially raised their kids to hit solid doubles as opposed to swing for the fences and risk striking out. The result? A generation of skilled professionals who are lauded for being great executors and implementers but may lack the passion, creativity and charisma to lead. And if this was the case, can we really blame the first generation?

Think of it this way, my parents and other people of that generation knew that they had absolutely no hope of beating "the man" at their own game of charisma and politics. The lack of language command made the impossible. So they trained their kids to ensure that they did at least as well as they did as far as technical aptitude and excellence. In the meantime, they would prod, learn to speak the language fluently and get a little more comfortable in your American identity. And as a generation I think we largely have - but what we never had were (1) Asian role models in the home who taught us how to be creative and lead and (2) the inclination or the capability to play the network game with friends. In the next generation, they'll have those.

For my children's generation, I'd predict (in a large generalization, akin the how our Asian generation has been pegged as the "great technician" generation) that we'll start seeing more Asian-Americans reaching the pinnacle of their professions and their fields. No only will the ladder climbing up with be even shorter, but they'll have had the networks that our generation never had. In the same way that past ethnic groups leverage their networks (those of Italian and Jewish heritage have both been highly effective historically in this discipline), my kids will be able reach out to my good friends who manage funds or who sit as senior partners in consulting firms, in the same way I'll be well position to assist my friends' children in my particular industry.

At the end of the day, I'd say that Asian-Americans are doing just fine. We are a generation who has our idols and our faults, sure, but I wonder how much is it worth obsessing over the giant chip on our collective shoulder that we're "timid and unassertive"? The perception is what it is - I'm not going to do my part to change it just for the sake of changing it. But I will stand and speak up against the things which are wrong and unjust and promote the things I believe - that's not an Asian thing, but a human dignity thing.