Defending the Sanctity of Marriage by Staying in One

The movement for the "defense of marriage" has been a hot topic of late, and much of it revolves around the debate between the legalization of gay marriage. While I resonate a great deal with efforts to uphold marriage as something that is sacred and foundational to the health and well-being of children, families and ultimately, society, I appreciated a recent editorial penned by an outgoing state judge which confronts the attack on marriage on another front - the prevailing culture of "disposable" marriages.

The author, Leah Ward Sears, speaks eloquently about her own family views of marriage and how, both as a judge and as a sister, she had a front-row view to the devastation wrought by the rending of families. She gives a even-keeled discourse on the existence of legal divorce as a necessary evil, while at the same time pulling no punches about the carelessness inherent in making such grave decision so casually, when there are grave consequences for other human beings, especially the children whose lives are turned completely upside down. She criticizes the callous disregard for others, almost as if the death to the ego-centric former self, as I had written in a past post, never came along with marriage and parenthood as it should have.

And is our society actually making the problem worse? Sears writes:

This may sound like heresy, but I believe the United States and a host of Western democracies are engaged in an unintended campaign to diminish the importance of marriage and fatherhood. By refusing to do everything we can to stem the rising rate of divorce and unwed childbearing, our country often isolates fathers (and sometimes mothers) from their children and their families.

I'd say that's probably true. And regardless on what your position is on gay marriage, we can all agree that stepping up to the responsibilities inherent in healthy marriages should be something that is encouraged. In a culture where financial success and career development are seen as worthy mountains to climb no matter the pain and sacrifice involved, there isn't a sufficient parallel societal message that encourages us to keep commitments to make every effort to make a marriage work - even at the expense of career ambition or other self-focused goals.