The "Eat, Pray, Love" Paradox

With my wife and I being amateur "foodies", and my wife being an avid reader/writer, we figured that the movie 'Eat, Pray, Love' would be at least an entertaining way to spend two hours. I wasn't unaware about the Eastern mysticism and the New Age undertones, so it's not as if I was expecting a movie which would promote a Christian worldview, let alone a doctrinal allegory.

What I didn't expect was how disgusted my wife and I both found the movie - enough to the point that we turned it off halfway because we just found the movie sad. Not in a moving and redemptive way, but in a way which was depressing, sort of like watching someone fall deeper into a hole while the poor sod is convinced that they've reached the summit of the mountain.

The day after, I was able to grasp more coherently what bothered me about the film. For one, the main character of Elizabeth Gilbert (the author of the bestselling memoir) played by Julia Roberts wasn't at all a sympathetic character. Here's a woman who upon being jarred by with the news that her husband wants to be a teacher comes to grip with the reality that she's utterly unhappy with her marriage. Realizing this, she leaves her husband despite his desperate pleas for her to work together to save the marriage and when her fling with a young actor fails to satisfy her, she decides to blow out of the country armed with a huge advance of her to-be published book to "find herself": first stop Italy - with trips to India and Indonesia to follow. This is where "Eat, Pray, Love" comes in. Italy is where the sweet life is manifested through the culinary delights (Eat); India is where she comes face to face with her concept of a higher power (Pray) and Indonesia is where she apparently meets a charming Brazilian (Love).

No big spoilers here, by the way, and from what I understand, no large deviation from the bestselling book of the same name.

I think what was bothersome is that this protagonist is celebrated as heroic, strong and independent. She is courageous from throwing away the "chains" of her marriage and life and having the bravery to travel the world with a publisher's advance and find herself. And in real life, Elizabeth Gilbert has become a nice mini-celebrity, enjoying the praises of people like Oprah Winfrey, being the heroine of women (and men) to stop being boxed into their pathetic lives and to do whatever they want to do - it doesn't really matter how it affects others, because you need to make yourself happy first and be true to yourself. Define your happiness and define your spirituality and just go for it.

Yeah! You go girl! (Wow, I can see how it's so easy to get caught up in this.)

About ten years ago, I watched another movie, titled "House of Sand and Fog". In that movie, one of the characters, a probationary police officer named Lester (played effectively by Ron Eldard) encounters a woman named Kathy (played by a grungy Jennifer Connelly) during an eviction during a process which will turn the property over to an Iranian couple. The police officer Lester, who is smitten by Kathy, takes her out to coffee under the guise of sympathy, and then confides that he's married with two young daughters, but unhappy in his domestic life. Lester and Kathy proceed to a motel to have sex, at which point he resolves to leave his wife and kids to shack up with Kathy.

Now committed to his mistress, Lester proceeds to threaten the aforementioned Iranian couple with a false charge of deportation. When he goes to his station, Lester is tearfully begged by his wife and children to return home, which he declines to do. His infatuation with Kathy leads him to further terrorize the Iranian couple and eventually leads to their death and puts him in jail (I won't give away details here).

Maybe this is Hollywood special effects in action, but how was Elizabeth portrayed as such a heroine and Lester portrayed as such an ass? What we have here is two stories of people doing what feels right to them. One lady leaves her husband, and one man leaves his wife. What's the difference? If Lester didn't have kids and didn't abuse his power as a police officer, and we gave him a little cup of gelato in front of the Trevi fountain, would he be as lovable as Elizabeth? Is it a gender bias thing?

Let's also contrast with another New York Times Bestseller, Tucker Max's "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell", which details a self-focused hedonistic life of a self-described 'asshole'. Here is the product description from Amazon.com:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. —from the Introduction Actual reader feedback:

"I am completely baffled as to how you can congratulate yourself for being a womanizer and a raging drunk, or think anyone cares about an idiot like you. Do you really think that exploiting the insecurities of others while getting wasted is a legitimate thing to offer?"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you—for sharing with us your wonderful tales of drunken revelry, for teaching me what it means to be a man, for just existing so I know that there is another option; I too can say ‘screw the system’ and be myself and have fun. My life truly began when I finished reading your stories. Now, when faced with a quandary about what course of action I should take, I just ask myself, ‘What Would Tucker Do?’—and I do it, and I am a better man for it."

"I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don’t believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist."

"I’ll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You’re an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."

"You are the coolest person I can even imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd make me love her more."

Now I ask you - what really is the difference between Tucker Max and Elizabeth Gilbert? Both have essentially decided to give the proverbial middle-finger to the world around them and do what suits their needs and happiness. They have placed worship of self above all things and have regaled the outside with their tales of their individualism and non-conformity. What, you think Elizabeth Gilbert gets a pass because she does her "ohms"? Prefers cappellini with prosciutto drizzled with olive oil instead of loaded potato skins? Can wax more poetically about dumping her husband than Taylor does about dumping women after one-night stands? The only difference is that Taylor correctly recognizes that he's a self-focused 'asshole'.

Put aside the hypocrisy for a second. What I find even more revolting about the 'Eat Pray Love' phenomenon is that they've managed to portray the epitome of self-worship as honorable. There's nothing valiant about a life which is lived to find and fulfill nothing except which feeds your basest desires. The active worship of the 'id' isn't just lazy, it's symbolic of all that's wrong in this world. In a society which is scarred because people have decided that their own happiness is paramount and supersedes the collective good of others and the concept of duty and responsibility, do we really need a reminder to "make yourself happy"? In a culture which places the greatest emphasis on social Darwinism and diminishes the dignity of others, are we seriously applauding narcissism in action?

If this is "finding yourself", methinks people need to get a better map. And if this is what passes for female role models, I'm glad that my daughters can look to my wife.