Only Slightly Less Stupid Criminal Activity

I recently read with amusement an article which recounted an incident where a young man called 911 to ask the police how much trouble he could get in for growing marijuana. Upon getting his answer, the young man hung up the phone, the police traced the call and subsequently arrested him for possession of, well, everything that you would need to grow marijuana. It's clear that this would probably vault to the top of the list of "Darwin Awards" type criminal behavior, with the exception that the young man didn't die in the course of his inane course of action.

It did remind me of a incident at Penn which I'll retell, but will give the college buddy a pseudonym to protect the innocent. During the summer between freshman and sophomore years, my buddy "Chuck" and I decided to go down to a Phillies game. During the course of the year, I had introduced Chuck to an fellow student, let's just call him "Bob", who was a little on the shady side. Somehow, Chuck ended up buying from Bob a stun gun. Chuck, never wanting to take changes as we trekked down to South Philadelphia, decided to tote his stun gun along. Unfortunately, the legal standing of this piece of contraband was never confirmed.

Anyway, we go to the game, and on the way back, Chuck and I find ourselves on a largely empty subway platform waiting for the next train when we hear the loud cracking of what sounds like automatic gunfire. Instinctively, we rush off the platform up the stairs and looking back, we see a brown bag full of firecrackers popping off.

At the top of the stairs is a burly and angry looking police officer who at once tells us to halt and to prepare to be frisked. While I proceed to comply without hesitation, poor Chuck at this moment realizes that he's carrying a piece of contraband, and visions of getting booked at the police station, getting kicked out of school and having his dreams of medical school dashed - he's pretty pale. Fortunately, for him the officer does a lousy job frisking him and misses the stun gun, and that's that.

Now here's where I'm reminded of the aforementioned marijuana incident. Shortly after, Chuck realizes that he needs to establish the legitimacy of his stun gun so he calls 911, but given his Ivy League education and wise paranoia, he smartly calls from a pay phone. The conversation, I believe went something like this:

Chuck: Excuse me, is it legal in Philadelphia to carry mace?

911 Operator: Yes.

Chuck: How about stun guns?

911 Operator: No.

Chuck: Thanks. (quickly hangs up the phone)

The lesson of the story is - if you're verifying he illicit nature of an activity, always use a pay phone. But man, this story still brings back some nice memories.