The Bizarro "Karate Kid"

I recently had a chance to watch Gran Torino on DVD, and wow, that's a great movie. There's probably a part of me who has an affinity towards it largely for the prominence of Asians (Hmong) in the storyline, but it was engrossing, wonderfully acted, and redemptive. I certainly don't think there's another movie which contained so many racist language and epithets that I've enjoyed so much.

It crossed my mind that the movie had some interesting parallels with The Karate Kid, another favorite of mine. Kid gets roughed up by other kids, and an other guy of another race steps in to save his hide. An unlikely, but heartwarming, cross-cultural relationship develops between kid and older man of other race, encouraged by a plucky relative of the kid. Tensions escalate between kid and aforementioned bullies, and the old guy becomes instrumental in finishing the problem once and for all.

In fairness, there's a lot of variation in the details, so (SPOILER ALERT), I'm going to take a stab of what The Karate Kid would look like if it was truly a race-flipped version of Gran Torino, keeping the characters and some context consistent:

• Daniel LaRusso is encouraged to join a local Reseda, California street gang, The Cobra Kai, whose leader, Johnny Lawrence rides around in a pimped-up Kawasaki motorcycle.
• Despondent after not making the soccer team, LaRusso relents and considers joining the Kai. After failing his initiation to steal his apartment handyman's vintage car, Daniel is pressured to try again.
• After he resists, the Johnny and Dutch from the Cobra Kai beat the crap out of him. Before they put a bullet in his head, he is saved by drunken handyman Mr. Miyagi, who points an old rifle at Johnny and Dutch from his days as a highly-decorated WWII veteran in Europe, threatening to "shoot holes your faces, then go in the house, and sleep like baby", noting that "Miyagi used to stack white fucks like you five feet high in Germany, and use you for sandbags".
• Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel how to be a man, not by painting fences and waxing cars, but by showing him how to "man up". In a memorable scene, Mr. Miyagi coaches Daniel how to win the heart of Ali, a high school love interest:

Mr. Miyagi: You know, Miyagi know you were a dipshit the first time I ever saw you. Then Miyagi thought you were worse with women than karate... Dogshit.

Daniel LaRusso: It's Daniel.

Mr. Miyagi: What?

Daniel LaRusso: It's not Dogshit, my name is Daniel.

Mr. Miyagi: Hai... well, you blow it with that girl who was there. Not that Miyagi give two shits about piece of Dogshit like you.

Daniel LaRusso: You don't know what you're talking about.

Mr. Miyagi: You wrong, white boy, Miyagi knows exactly what Miyagi talking about.

• In a tragic scene, Mrs. LaRusso, is unable to start the beat-up station wagon without someone else propelling it in neutral, and is overtaken by a the Cobra Kai's on their motorcycles. While not shown on screen, it is made clear that Johnny and Dutch beat and rape Mrs. LaRusso.
• Mr. Miyagi, unable to calm a furious Daniel with his "special massage trick", locks Daniel in the maintenance room and goes off by himself to confront the Cobra Kai's in their dojo.
• Standing in front of the Cobra Kai's, Mr. Miyagi fakes pulling out his WWII rifle, and instead assumes the "crane kick" position. The Cobra Kai's pull out automatic weapons and mow Mr. Miyagi down.

Well, maybe I should just appreciate the merits of the two movies individually.